Junior Year has begun.

I have not wrote in here in a while, and had some time so I thought I would.

I am back up at Ball State and absolutely loving it, I have already made great friends, and getting to see the people I met last semester is great as well! Also being involved in The Revolution is great! :) This year I am also volunteering in the Pre-school at the First Presbyterian Church next to campus. I am so excited to be working with the little kids it will be so fun, and a great experience. I have not been able to see Joshua as much as i'd like considering how busy my schedule is and he has soccer right now as well, but I am just thankful for the time I do get to spend with him. I have been so blessed having him in my life, I could not ask for anyone better. :)

4th of July :)

This weekend was a lot of fun! :) Joshua and I headed down Friday to the lake with my parents! We had a great time with everyone down there, going out on the new boat and seeing the fireworks two nights in a row! & also jumping off the top of the boat after the fireworks the second night! haha, Joshua started that, and it just kinda went on from there by the end atleast 8 or 9 people had jumped off the boat and my MOM being one of them! LOL, even though she kind of ended up slipping off instead of jumping! Needless to say it was not the most graceful thing ever! :) I love my parents, and Joshua, also mY "Lake Family" Thank you for making this weekend fun like always! :)


After getting back from the Lake Joshua and I stopped and got some little fireworks for Jack, like the snakes and smoke bombs. Then we met up with his parents and ate at Jalisco's and then went to Rolling Hills to go swimming. After that we watched some of the office, and then had dinner and watched The Book of Eli with his parents! Great time. Daniel and Carl ended up coming over and we went to see Daniel's new apartment! :) Pretty exciting for him to get his own place! :) - - Then Josh and I headed back to Carl's to just sit and hang out with him a little bit for the night, and we talked to Kim :) She is such a sweet lady! :) After that Joshua and I just went back and ended of the night watching some CRAZY series tv show ha.


Overall this was a great 4th of July weekend.

Good Day?

HIGHLIGHTS OF YESTERDAY:

-Dropped my iphone4
-Got blood on my Louis Vuitton purse
-Wrecked my Mom's car.

Hmm probably the best day of my life, i'd say.

So i was wrong..

How could I have misjudge this situation so greatly,how could I have been so wrong?
Was it always like this all along? Have I just been to blind to see what is right in front of me?
Am I seeing what truly is with open eyes for the first time?

?

HATE

I

... Joshua ALex Goben :)

so incredibly much!

Tell me Why?

Why when everything seems to be going right, when I am really happy, things just have to do a complete 180. WHY?! I just don't understand it, what am I supposed to do? Sometimes I just want to pack my things and run away, but what would that really solve? Nothing, I would just be at some random place alone. Maybe that would be better though, maybe being away from everyone and everything would be better. I feel like that's what I need just a mini "vacation", just go somewhere and relax, but not have access to my phone or the internet and just be away from everything. Take some time to gain some perspective on my life. Maybe this is what I really need. To bad I have responsibilities and I am not just going to bail out on them, so it looks like I'm stuck here just wishing I could get out.



Isn't it funny how a smile can hide so much.

Sweet Summertime! :)

Summer has been pretty nice so far! Working a lot but atleast I'm off by 5:30 or 6, no 9 o'clock like last summer working at Journeys Kidz! And I'm only working 4 days during the week so I get one Weekday off and ALL weekend! :) VERYY Nice! This summer has already been pretty eventful, nothing to crazy but still fun! :)


Thursday Joshua and I took Jack to Chuck-E-Cheese! :) SO much fun playing games and winning tickets, still not as cool as DAVE AND BUSTERS since we're older, but Jack loved it! He is seriously the cutest little boy ever!

Then Friday we went on a double date with Sam and Morgan to the DRIVE-IN, soo much fun. Hoping to do it again soon, and just get to spend more time with them! :)

Saturday I did a "photo shoot" with my friend Layne! It was great! She is such a great photographer and it was really fun!

Sunday I started my Bible Study with Andrea and Abby, it was an AWESOME time! I'm really looking forward to it for this summer!

Then MEMORIAL DAY! Joshua and I got to swim, hit golf balls at the driving range, and grill out with his family, it was so great! :)

Then yesterday! FINALLY got to Hang out with my KATIE!! :) We had Subway at the Mall because that's the cool thing to do, then hung out at the River with Joshua, Daniel, and Clay, fun times!

HOLIDAY WORLD IS in the plans soon! :) looking forward to the water roller coaster!!

to make an effort.

I'm relying on God to help change me, to help make me a stronger person, little things will not get to me anymore. You can try, but I'm over it now, I don't need anyone but God in my life, I just want the others, so if i Make an effort to have you in my life there is a reason. I am not going to try anymore for people who aren't worth it.

Started young, it's too late to quit..

FINALS week is here! Awww! So ready for this week and NEXT week to be over! I finish my Finals Friday and then move all my stuff back to Newburgh! :) Then i'll be home 'til Sunday, then I have to head up to Indy for the week to take an insurance class! So I will be in that class Mon-Thursday 8am-5pm! Then I come home Thursday night, unpack and repack! Take my test to get my insurance license Friday morning, then immediately leave for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina! So ready and excited or that!! I need the vacation! & my best friend Nikki is getting to go with me so excited for that!!! :) It would be nice if I had money to spend while
on vacation, but do to my own mistakes I have had to pay practically all my money to speeding/parking tickets, lovely. Also the plates for my car need to be renewed this month, thats another $350, whoaa. I miss being a kid, and having no bills, and $50
seeming like a lot of money! haha. So ready for Summer TIME! Seeing FRIENDS!! :) Swimming, nice weather,HOLIDAY WORLD!! and many other summer things!!




always there every time you need me,
it ain't love, it's just like nicotine
You're addicted to a feeling you can only get
From me and your cigarettes.
(Miranda Lambert)

Facebook

I have come to the conclusion that I really can't stand facebook! it is just a place that breeds drama. Also I feel like if you are in High School why do you need a facebook!? really the people you are talking to on FB are the same people you are probably seeing EVERY SINGLE DAY! I almost feel it is even irrelevant for people in college to have facebook's, It makes a little more sense though, since your friends are going to colleges all over the place and it's easy to keep in touch, but really if you aren't close enough with that person to have their number and text/call them to see how they are doing, why does it even matter to stay in contact with them on facebook, I know here I am being hypocritical because i do have a facebook, but I am realizing it is just dumb. I understand people who are out of college with families having facebook, because it is a way to reconnect with people from your high school, and an easier way then texting, when you have A LOT more to worry about then a text, when you have your life and family to take care of. But really for everyone else it is just a place to breed drama, or for under 18 girls to post pictures that probably by some standards are ILLEGAL! This is just absolutely ridiculous, have respect for yourselves! Use facebook for how it's intended to be used, to reconnect with people, not to start drama and be mean to one another, or to just straight CREEP on people!! - - geezeeeee .

Sometimes i just think cell phones and the interent should never have been invented. they are just places for temptations, and they make it soo easy.

Just thought i'd share :)

My cute coffee :)

Giving up has never been so hard..

I'm in such a state of confusion.. one second things are perfect, then the next there's a complete 180, over nothing, what am I supposed to do! All I can do is pray for you, myself.. I hate that it's like this, I hate feeling this way.. I hate this.. So I have to just let go, I have to release you.. I have to trust in the Lord and know he will do what is best for both of us. I will always be here for you, no matter what, I know you are angry right now, and hopefully with time that will change, but know I am always here. And please always remember what I said, you are an amazing person, I will always believe that. I will always believe in you.

0hh babyy, babyy, babyy, ohh babyy

Everything....Nothing

One of the Best days.... One of the worst days of my life

Losing my mind.

What to do? - - =/

HEADACHE!! Need Sleep,

brain constantly keeping me awake..

Eyes want to shut..

I'm completely in Love with Joshua Alex Goben.

There is no one else in this world I am interested in.

I'm sorry if I hurt you, even if it was unknowingly by me,

I never want to cause you pain, I will try my hardest to

NEVER hurt you, I love you. I am so sorry to upset you,

you mean that world to me.. see ya in the morning..

Ain't no stopping what I feel..

Thank you Lord for the weather you've blessed us with the past few days! Love it! :) I've just been trying to be out in the sun as much as possible! It just puts me in a better mood! Yesterday I got to hang out with Layne again, and then I got to play some tennis with Austin and some of his friends! Let's just say I'm not the best tennis player! But I did meet some really cool girls! After tennis I can back to my dorm and quickly changed for House Church, it was great and really got me thinking about a lot, which is leading to me doing a 48 hour fast this weekend! I feel it's something I should do, so when I'm hungry I will just focus and pray to God, and the pain I feel because of hunger, will open my eyes to IS THAT HOW I LONG FOR GOD! Do I have physical pain when I go without God, because I should! So after midnight tonight I will only drink water for 48 hours! I think this will be a great time for reflection with God! :)

Today was great too! Beautiful weather had lunch outside with Kristen! :) Then had a "family dinner" with people from another house church! I get to go home tomorrow!! SO excited!! I'm picking up Abby from IWU around 11:30 then to Newburgh we go!!! :) :)

EASTER AT CFC!!! SO readyyy!

Bye, bye teen years; Hello Twenties.

Yesterday was my twentieth birthday! It started off with me having to have class which was incredibly lame, ha, but not to bad, a girl in my Astronomy class actually has the same birthday as me, so we had a mini-celebration ha, she is a year younger though. After class I got dressed and ready and headed to Martinsville to Tonisha's house to meet up with my parents before we went out to Indy! Or "Naptown" as some might call it, hah.

On my way to Martinsville though, I had a crazy experience. I was driving on I-69 and a man on a CrotchRocket was following me REALLY closely, so I got over in the other lane so he could pass me, when I did he got behind me though, it was really windy so I assumed he was just trying to get some blockage from the wind, I kept an eye on my rearview mirror though, because it made me nervous having him so close, as I was watching I saw him began to wobble and veer to the left side of the road, he went flying off his bike, his bike went in the air landed on him, and his helmet went flying off, I pulled my jeep over on the side of the road, but he was down in a ditch where I couldn't get to him, and I was on the side of I-69 which is super busy, so I called 911 and an ambulance came and got him, I have no idea what happen to that man, I've just been praying he's okay!

After that chaos, I made it to Tonisha's and Avery was there waiting for my arrival! Ha, As soon as I got there he jumped on me and gave me a big hug! He had painted me a Happy Birthday picture, and was so eager for me to open my gifts! I love kids and their excitement!! My parents came shortly after, and we headed to Indy! We ate at Harry & Izzy's it was soo awesome! I had shrimp cocktail for an appetizer, lobster and filet as my meal, and cheesecake with carmel as my dessert! I ate soo much, then the ladies did a little shopping, & I got my Easter dress! Soo cute! Can NOT wait to be home for Easter!! Once we got back to the Meeks' house my mom had me a Strawberry Ice cream cake waiting, so I ate even MORE! HA we stayed up late, talking! It was great I LOVE spending time with my family! & Tonisha, Tammy, & Robbie (WHO ARE FAMILY anyways) =) It was such a great birthday!! :) Thank you Lord for blessing me in so many ways!

OHH Yeahhh , quote of the night

Robbie: Where are my presents?

Avery: You don't have any!!

Robbie: Why not!

Avery: (pounders) Because it's not all about you!!

Robbie: Who's it all about then!

Avery: It's all about God!

just 4 years old and already so smart!

So the past couple days have been pretty exciting! :) Starting off Friday night Joshua and I drove to Purdue and went to the Kid Cudi concert! It was soo amazing, Kid Cudi is such a talented artist! He sang for us a cappella a song he just wrote, it was so great! ( "I just wanted to write a song for the ladies in the club, a song that didn't make them want to dance" hah) I would really like to see him again! :) When I say Kid you say Cudi! lol

Then last night I drove up to IWU and met up with my friend Emily Bair, and met a few of her friends! It was so great! Just getting to spend time and be surrounded by Christians is truly amazing, sitting with them and just discussing the Lord is so great! We went to Steak and Shake pretty late to celebrate my birthday and a guy name Josh's birthday! :) then we all went to Wal-mart and just goofed off and played some random games! lol, after that we rented the movie "The Box" & watched it on Amy's laptop, to bad it was a terrible choice and made absolutely no sense to anyone, I really can't say much, because I was falling asleep the last 2o minutes! Then this morning we went to Exit 59, it was a great service but the mad did ramble on about a few comparison stories a little to long! After that we went back to IWU got some lunch, and I ran into Abby, it was so great talking to her! It is just so amazing to have so many caring people around! I met some really great people up there! & hope to stay in contact with them all! :) :)

Tomorrow is my 20th Birthday!! I'm meeting my mom in Martinsville early in the day tomorrow and we are gonna hang out with Tonisha until Tammy gets off work then we are heading to Indy to eat at Harry & Izzy's for my birthday! Can't wait! :)

Intergalactic You & Me.

ohhh

Lady of Reckless Abandonment for Jesus! :)

Today has been a good day! I met up with Tonisha in Indy and did a little shopping! My Birthday is Monday and I will be back in Indy to eat at Harry & Izzy's with my Momma, Tonisha, and her mom Tammy! :) So excited! Also the Kid Cudi concert is tomorrow night, can not wait! I'm so excited!!

I picked up a new book and I've been reading it, it is so inspirational! It is all about just living your life for God, because he is the only thing in that can truly make you happy! It is so amazing, and true. A couple great quotes from the book that I've highlighted are below :

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become a one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

This is just so amazing, and it has never been put into these words to me before, but it just makes such perfect sense! How are you ever going to be happy, and be able to make others happy if you are not doing what God wants of you!

"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20)

Also the lead up to this really caught my attention, it talks about how as a Christian if you really want to be Christlike a lot of times you have to separate yourself from your friends that are doing things that are not what Christians should do, especially if what they do influences you to sin, and turn away from what you know is right, because this can affect your relationship with the Lord, and instead of you having a positive influence on them, they are tearing you down, and harming your relationship with Christ!

Well these are just a couple and I'm sure there will be many more to come, but I'm gonna get back to reading! :)

God Loves you more than he Does.

Today was such an amazing day, it started off pretty rough and had some moments, but overall God's grace showed through everything! :) To startoff the day I was just pretty upset to say the least on my way into work, I even contemplated asking them for the day off because I just didn't think I could be a "happy server", but I decided I should stay and I am so glad I did, because my first table who sat down were two older men, and they really brightened my day, to start off with when I brought them their food they said, "we are going to pray, do you mind if we pray for you?" This was so amazing to me that two strangers would offer to pray for ME, and I said yes and thanked them, and then they asked if there was anything particular that they could pray for, and I gave them a brief explanation without getting into too much detail, and they prayed for me. :) Shortly after that I was carrying a large tray full of food, and someone ran into me, and I dropped the whole tray and broke about six plates, I was on the verge of tears, & one of the men jokingly said to me, well I guess we should have prayed for you to have good hands, and made me laugh instead of cry, then this same man left me a VERY generous tip. A man I've never met before in my life and may never see again, has really impacted my life and just made me realize God's blessings come when you really do need them!

After that my friend Layne texted to me and wanted to meet up to just hang out and drink coffee, so I went to meet her at the Student Center, on my way there a very interesting thing happened to me, I was walking down Riverside and a car drove by me and threw a Taco Bell cup full of some drink at me, luckily it just barely hit my leg, and nothing got on me, I didn't think

much of it, just thought it was immature college kids, then about 5 minutes later still as I was walking to the SC, the same car drove by and threw a bottle of water at me! I still have no idea who this was, and really confused on the matter because, basically everyone I am friends with up here is from my house church and I know none of them would randomly throw things at me, and I haven't even really met to many other people, and for sure not met anyone and had any conflicts, but apparently I have someone who likes to follow me in a car and throw things at me. So strange! Usually this would probably have really upset me, but instead of getting angry I just laughed, and prayed that God would show those people his way, and help them know him and grow up. After I finally made it to the SC, I met up with Layne, and we got Starbucks and just talked for a couple hours, it was so great we talked a lot about just things in life, but we talked for a majority of the time about our relationship with God, and just how much our life has changed by getting to be friends with people who love the Lord, it was so amazing, and just made me feel great! Layne is such and amazing person and I'm so glad that God lead us to each other, and I hope we become great friends!

Then after that we usually have House Church on Wednesday nights, but most people couldn't make it, including the people who usually lead it, so Kristen and I decided to have our own Bible Study together, which was great! I picked her up from her dorm, we had dinner at Woodworth, then came back to my dorm, and read Psalms 77, and talked about it, and it just lead into such deep discussion about our relationship with Christ, and how to talk to other people, and introduce them to the Lord if they do not know him. It's just so refreshing to have such a good friend that has the same beliefs as I do, and that can just openly talk to me, and I can talk to her, and know that no matter what I say it's fine! I have truly been blessed!

You're in my Prayers, you're in my Nightmares

You know the time in the morning, right when you wake up, but you're not quite awake yet? When you're still in that daze, reality hasn't hit you yet. Everything is perfect, everything is in it's place. Then you wake up & that small moment of perfection is gone. You wake up and have to face the day, and reality for that matter. Everything that you thought was just an awful nightmare is your life. I thought this would be for the best, I know I'm fine without you, I don't Need you, that doesn't mean I don't want you.. I'm sorry I'm stupid, I'm sorry I talk before thinking, I'm sorry I hurt you. I will always love you.

Sometimes things have to fall apart, so they can be put back together.

So I've decided I am stuck in this in between age, I'm about to

turn 20 in less than a week. So I am no longer a teenager, but I

still am a "young adult" which usually is not taken that seriously.

It's got me thinking, how am I supposed to act? Sometimes I feel

like I act to old for my age. That I don't fit in with the people who

are my age, I don't drink or "party" and I never thought that was

that big of a deal until I moved away for college, and apparently

that decision in my life has alienated me from a lot of people my

age. I am not willing to conform to what other people want of me,

so sometimes I have to suffer feeling alone to stand by my decisions,

and my faith. I know I will always have God walking by my side even

if there is no one else. He is all I need, and he will comfort me in my

worst times. Even when I feel at my worst he will carry me through.

He is comforting me right now, and I just have to remember I have

Him to lean on. No matter what the outcome is of my current

situation, He will give me what i need to get through all of this.